Floating

This seems to be an ongoing theme currently. Allow me to explain. I work at a place, that I won’t mention, but I will say that working at this place feels like I’m in a rubber raft in the middle of the ocean. The company is huge and I am small. I have no voice; I have no impact. I am at the mercy of this ocean company and must cling to my raft lest I drown. So, I just float along.

I have always been an advocate for one to live their dreams, pursue their passions and not allow fear to hold you down. I do believe in this. But then life comes along and hits you in the head. I feel like I have been knocked out. So, I shake my head, get up off the canvas and look around and after forty years of working I find myself in a rubber raft in the middle of the ocean. What the hell happened? I didn’t plan for this. I know I’m alive and the “raft”, which is my current job, is keeping me alive but at what cost truly.

We need to work, we have bills to pay, and as the older I get the more medical I need. Oh my God what has happened to my body? I’m falling apart. I cling to the raft. Now I can’t get a lot of proper exercise in this raft, but I can do the same thing over and over and over and what I do is paddle. My hands, arms, shoulders and back ache from the repetitive motion but I keep on going because I think I see land. I paddle harder till I finally collapse from fatigue and try and rest my body. But how can you rest in a rubber raft floating in the ocean? And now after paddling and resting and paddling and resting there are sharks in the water and they are just waiting to get their bite of me. I still think I see land. Paddle, Paddle, Paddle.

Here is the kicker. The ocean is full of currents and no matter how hard you paddle you’re going to go with the flow. Just floating and floating in an endless sea. We are controlled because the ocean is an example of the way of daily living and the raft is our job. We float along trying to get somewhere but get lost in the vastness of it all. Just like winning the lottery a person may get washed up on shore if they are lucky. I have dreams of winning the lottery and so I keep on paddling and floating but the truth of that is the odds are impossibly against me. Floating on and on never being able to get to the land I see. How discouraging and hopeless it feels but I have my false sense of security in my rubber raft if only I can keep on paddling and floating. “LAND HO!!!!”

I just gotta keep believing. You wouldn’t happen to have a life line or a motor would you?