What Do I Know

I ask this question daily, what do I know. I recently heard a quote that said, “it’s unfortunate that the older I get the more wisdom I have but the less time I have to share it”. That being said, I still have so much to learn and understand. Most of my life has past and I wonder just how did I get here, and just what am I doing? My ego likes to think that I’m so smart and wise but in reality, I’m a mere grain of sand being slowly eroded on the beach, tossed back and forth by the waves of years. I’ve tumbled through life only to come to some sense of understanding that I don’t really know much of anything. I like to think that I’m a good person, I like to think that I’m valuable and have made a difference to the people around me. But does that matter? Is what we do really that important? I think it depends on your perspective. Yes, I do believe that we can make an impact on life around us and even some cases into the future. But what I ask is why, and what is your motivation? I can’t answer that for anybody but myself and most times even for myself it’s a foamy, frothy wave of understanding. I know things, but more often than not there isn’t any tangible thing I can do about. I’m not trying to have a defeatist attitude; I’m just trying to be realistic.

I know that going through life is tough. It’s not life handed to us on a silver platter. And even if one did have that silver platter it doesn’t change the fact that every single one of us is truly born to die. There is no escape and no matter how much money you have there is no getting out of it. So, what are you, what am I, going to do with the life and time that we have? That’s a great question isn’t it. But only if you’re willing to really look at yourself. Don’t look at others, pay no attention to outside noise because all that matters is what you do in your own body, with your own soul. I believe that if I can find a harmonious balance in my own life then it can trickle out and possibly have an impact on other life. And that goes for both good and bad energy. We are energy beings by the way. We are made up of all the elements in the universe and we have positive and negative atoms, even a neutral one. So, I believe how we use that energy is paramount. But it starts with even recognizing that this energy exists in the first place. As I may be aware of this, I still struggle with knowing and understanding to a greater degree. What do I know? Well, I know this to be true but seemingly impossible to grasp. There is so much beyond my understanding, and I feel life slipping through the cracks of aging.

I do know that people are sleepwalking through life. I have another term, walking dead. The reason I say this is because I’m aware of more than life just running round and round on a wheel. But damn it’s hard to get off the wheel. When I’m just going through the motions, of work, home, eat, sleep and do it all over again, I’m a big part of my own problem. When I get frustrated because people appear to be ignorant and have no common sense, I’m the problem with that kind of thinking, not the solution. Ego isn’t self-awareness, quite the opposite. So, the older I get the more wisdom I gain but the harder life seems to be. This is a challenge for me and as I stated in the very first line, what do I know. Well, I only know it begins and ends with me. I can choose to be aware, or I can choose to wear thick blinders and go through life numb or worse yet, dead. But I’m still trying to figure out what it means to live. In the big scheme of things our lives can be more than just a fishbowl but only if you know what you don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing really but I know there’s more to it than a glass bubble so come on out of where you are and let’s go explore the ocean.