Floundering

Floundering definition is to struggle or stagger helplessly or clumsily in water or mud: and or struggle mentally; show or feel great confusion. Yep, that’s me. Is that you too? I had an epiphany the other day. I was visiting my friend’s gravesite and was having a one-sided conversation. He just wouldn’t answer back. But on my drive home some thoughts came to me. I was sad while visiting where his bones just lay under the soil. I thought about his body decaying amongst all the others there accompanying him in his endless slumber. I thought maybe he didn’t answer because his spirit had been reborn already. For as our bodies age and fail us and eventually give up the space to hold our spirit, that spirit in us lives on and on. Energy is only contained for a short time in this tent of human flesh. So, as I was driving away I thought, this life is so incredibly short and reflected on where I was in this moment of life. I came to the conclusion that, I’m floundering. I pictured a fish being thrown up on a bank, flopping in the air trying to swim against a world of earth instead of water. I thought about it gasping to breathe because it was yanked out of its water filled environment into a foreign alien one of air breathers. I am that fish, that’s what I felt in that moment of driving home. I am floundering in a world that feels foreign and overwhelming. I can’t breathe. I struggle to catch my breath, but it feels stuck in my lungs, stuck in my throat. If only I can push against the gravity of this heavy world and get back to my true environment. I think life is like this for many. We are flipping and flopping in a world that is not made for us. We are gasping against living as our true self yearns to be free. We are all creatures of our own selves, of our own creation, but we more often than not find ourselves living in a world that is not in harmony with our souls. That’s the space I have found myself in. I am floundering, flip flopping against the hard ground, not being able to breathe because I can’t find the water from whence my soul was created for. I have lost my way.

I think to a large degree people are living a dying life, just like that fish. But instead of being aware, they have just excepted it and that’s just the way it is. Even I am fighting this mindset within myself. I’m aging, my body hurts, too much time has passed and the struggle to get back to the water seems hopeless. I can’t breathe and I am frustrated that I can’t, I am scared that I can’t. I am the fish floundering on the bank and with all of that is in me to live, I feebly make knee jerk reactions to bounce myself to somewhere, anywhere because this gravity filled world is killing me. I am a fish aware that it is dying. I am not living a life that I should be. I have willingly given up so many years, so much time floundering on the bank that I have forgotten how to swim, what it’s like being able to breathe in my own true environment. What it’s like to swim in my own environment. There is still time, I’m not dead yet, but the struggle is most definitely real. The gravity is heavy.

Where are you at on this journey of life? Have you been thrust out of your comfort zone? Have you been living in an environment that is not of your own? Are you even aware of the journey itself or what your part is in it? Are you a fish floundering on the bank, a fish out of water? Are you wondering what the whole purpose is? Well, it isn’t just to pay bills and live like the Jones, I’m telling ya. It isn’t about having a degree, three children, a Tesla, and a house in the cul-de-sac. It’s not about how much money you make or what groups you belong to. If one has to even wonder about that then most assuredly the point has been missed. Life is meant to be free, full of passion, adventure, exploration. One can do all those things and still pay the bills. Don’t get lost in all the “things” that easily get us lost. That created dead fish lying on the bank and walking dead roaming our world. I only write to share, to give a piece of my experiences, of my understanding, in the hope that it may plant a seed, and that seed can grow into the most beautiful abundant life. We all have the spirit inside us to do so, no matter who or what flopped us on the bank. Are you going to just sit and flounder and or are you going to do something about it? The sky could be the limit, not just the water.