It’s been quite some time since I’ve had the motivation to sit down and actually blog again. I can’t quite put my finger on the delay but some of it has to do with motivation. I had faithfully blogged almost weekly for over a year, maybe even two and this lapse has been around two months, I think. But I’m trying to allow my fingers to steer me in whatever direction they end up. I’ve been doing tons of reflection. Our World climate has changed, especially in America, and I’m not talking about the weather. Although the weather is part of it as well. I never thought I would experience something like Covid in my lifetime. I never, ever thought I’d experience what’s happening in politics. Global warming being denied as storms come more frequently and powerfully. Oceans heating up, ice shelfs melting, permafrost thawing out. These are facts even though skeptics continue to deny them. An American president using the playbook of a known and historical Nazi take over. Military in American cites. People being kidnapped and sent off to prison in other countries by federalized Gestapo. Yeah, I haven’t been motivated to write. I feel like crying, I feel like hiding, I feel angry and frustrated. I feel, what does anything matter for, if nothing really matters. Ai is becoming more and more prevalent and just as science fiction of the past has become reality, I fear AI will become some type of Skynet or Matrix. The rich are getting richer and seek to leave this planet when the rest of us are get poorer and struggle to live paycheck to paycheck. Yep, I lost my motivation.
I’m 57 and feeling my age more and more. Partially because I’m working at a very physical job and I’m overweight and it’s taking its toll on my once healthy and strong body. Aging sucks. Nobody told me it would be like this. In our youth, we wouldn’t listen anyways. When we’re young we can look around and see aging people but until one experiences it, they just don’t know. I thought I would always be strong, always healthy, vibrant and have opportunities wherever I was. As you age, that’s just not the case. My knees hurt, my hands hurt, my ankles hurt. Am I abusing myself? Yes, but nothing that I couldn’t have handled. I was able to jump off roof tops and think nothing of it. I could play three soccer games in one day and be tired and sore but bounce back like nothing ever happened. Not now. Now I stub my toe on the carpet and my foot hurts for a week as I limp around the house. I get out of the chair and can’t stand up straight, hunched over like some eighty-year-old. When I hit fifty, my body, and my life shifted. I had lost a step but at least I was still motivated. In the last two months the motivation has been like trying to hold onto a greasy pig. I got it, no I don’t, ummph, bend, tweak, grab, slip, daaaaam it, it got away. Run around like a crazy chicken, grab that slippery o’l pig again. Get it, you can do this. Run, stumble, fall, dive, tackle, grab again. Slippery slip out pops the piggy. Over and over again. Deep sigh. Think smarter. Smarter? I can’t even remember the pig’s name. What am I doing this for, why am I here? Because this is life. Ugh
And then I open the computer and I begin typing. I take a drive and explore a new place. I meet a new acquaintance. I share a story, a laugh, a good meal, a new journey and the motivation slowly creeps back. My fingers may be numb, and my hands seem like they have fallen asleep, but I shake them out and continue on. My knees hurt but I take a little extra time and try to stretch, ice and heal. It’s doable. But it is different. I have to improvise, overcome and adapt in ways I never knew about. I would like to think that’s called wisdom. I heard a saying of sorts that the men with the grey hair are the wise ones. Well, that’s because they have experienced so much life. LOL But the reality is, they may be wiser, but youth has escaped them, as it does with each and every one of us. I’m trying to figure out how to age gracefully but I’m not going to lie with all that’s going on in the world, especially in our own back yard and no cure for getting old, this is one tough time. Motivation? It’s still there, it just needs a little pick me up a little more often now days. I do have hope for the future, whatever that may be, but I know this, if I allow myself to sink into the abyss then the abyss will most definitely overtake me and that just won’t do at all. So, here’s by latest blogity blog, blog. Take it for what’s it worth or not, it’s all just part of the journey. At least my fingers held out. Thanks for listening. (As I make a peace sign on one hand and hang loose on the other). I’m ok, we’re ok and the journey treks on.
To See Or Not To See 